He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
