I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize