I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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