he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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