I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
