jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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