I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
