so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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