I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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