think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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