I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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