so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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