What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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