i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
