my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
