Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize