I just saw a hot homeless man
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Come see our sink grown plant.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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