hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
