Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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