actually, I'm a sock model
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
