It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
