so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
