i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize