haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
