the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize