R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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