dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
