I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
