She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
