Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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