Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
