Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize