Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
