my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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