Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish i was in the wii world.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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