well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
