Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
