he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
