A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He shit in the fireplace
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize