At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
