I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Found your dick twin last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize