I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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