since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
