just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
