I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
