Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize