I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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