i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
