Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
