Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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