Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize