YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
