His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
