your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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