Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
