Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
