I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't notice because vodka
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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