I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize