yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
