i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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