my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
