My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
