guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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