I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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