At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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