I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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