we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
