I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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