I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
