He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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