well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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