there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
