I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
