youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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