There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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