I've blown a few things in my day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
