we have officially lost it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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