I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
