i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
