Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
birth control should be required to get into college
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
