she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
