Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize