I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
