Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
