weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
