New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
