I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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