I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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