I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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